Have you tried fingering your keyboard for a date?
In order to consider the minefield of online dating, let’s break it down!
Online, by sheer definition, is an entity controlled by, or connected to, a computer. Leonard Kleinrock was one of the pioneers who wrote about ARPANET in 1961 which preceded the internet as we now know it.
Dating has many meanings; one being a ‘trial period in which people explore whether to take the relationship further, towards a more permanent contract’.
Marriage!When people hook up to have dinner, drinks or coffee or chat by mutual consent, it can lead to an agreement resulting sex, more or less.
Married couples also have ‘date nights’ because, often, they’re fed up having sex with each other. They might be looking for an excuse to get out of the bedroom. Another reason could be the relationship is flailing and they need to reconnect. To be honest, it’s tough being with the one person for ‘ever and ever’.
I’m fairly romantic but nonetheless pragmatic about dating, relationships and marriage because, in my opinion, none the above needs to be about love and devotion but might, purely, be an agreement between two compatible, consenting adults. Both marriage and dating can be successful without love. The feeling of ‘being in love’ is not real, it’s in your head and heart but it’s not forever, it would be exhausting. Also, being married is a job and only lasts as long as you are putting the work in.Many a splendid thing can be spoiled by expectation and emotion but nothing beats a good, old fashioned legal document stating the terms and conditions. Thinking of love and marriage, it could be said, we need the horse to pull the cartridge or it would be static. So, people legally bind to keep things moving. It’s elementary but my opinion, an unnecessary institution, even though I bought into it for 37 years.
I was in love and loved the same man for most of my life and was constantly caught between, hurt, obstacles and compromise. There were many times I wanted to give up but when I stripped away life’s problems, family, bills, and then his clothes, we had amazing chemistry and a bond, so strong, we overcame even the toughest challenges together.
It was hard work but paid fantastic bonuses!
My experience of dating is minimal because I met my Match when I was nineteen. I’ve now been contentedly on my own for more than 7 years and for the first time tried online dating as a social experiment. After ignoring and dismissing it as, ‘not for me’, I decided to give it a go. My plan was to have a maximum of 20 dates then bin it; whatever the outcome of any individual encounters.
I only lasted 3 dates!
So, without further hesitation, I signed up. Again, I was faced with a binding ‘contract’ and a commitment to pay up for 6 months which is the longest relationship I’ve had for 7 years.
I was looking for fun, chat and hoping to spend time with some like minded chaps giving me fodder to write about here. Maybe, in my bio, I should have stated ‘only one at a time’ but I was very speedy and enthusiastic. This was my first mistake my aim was misconstrued as being ‘up for it’ by my second encounter of the uncomfortable kind.
That ‘date’ lasted all of seven minutes, one for every year I’ve been on my own and made me appreciate every, single time I’ve switched the light off before spending the night on my lonesome. No 2 made it very clear he was expecting to have sex that very same evening. Having ‘traveled’ all the way from East Kilbride, on a Saturday night he suggested I was naive to have thought otherwise.
It was actually Friday so he didn’t even know what day of the week it was!
He was vile!
Flashback to date number one. Coffee with a lovely gentleman who quickly specified he was looking to settle into a life in the country with a ‘suitably appropriate lady’. Definitely not me but I was attentive and enjoyed his company. As we were leaving I felt so bad because after two very pleasant hours he said he’d like to do it again and I blurted out politely;
Date number three and four were with the same victim. He was a gregariously charming gentleman who was intelligent, polite, lively and I laughed till my face was sore. He was looking for fun, with clever women who had a bit of an edge. After four hours together I felt as if I’d made, at the very least, a good friend.
We met again for coffee which ran on to dinner and six hours later he was again snorting with laughter. Yes, he was a snorter. We even had a kiss in the car park which was pleasantly tingly. I could have had more of that but not in the open, over a car. However, any intimate relationship I commit to albeit once a week, would need to be exclusive and there we have it; that’s the tension.
He was not to be trusted!
The World Wide Web brings the us together for business, entertainment, culture and pleasure. It is a massive web connecting networks with other networking infrastructures. Millions of computers are globally formatted to link with anyone connected, so your dating possibilities are infinite.
These ethereal experiences could collide, float past like planets in an eclipse. Or maybe gravity and significance will hold them in their orbits because the pull is not strong enough. In life we need to take the rough with the smooth but I’m reluctant to put myself in the firing line to be shot at close range by fingertips shooting into my intimate space from a laptop.
My time with internet dating was brief, not even two weeks, but I still had an interesting time. I know what I want from a man and am quite pragmatic and direct. I had too much of ‘an edge’ for Mr Smooth; who described me as earthy and bristly but we are still friends.
Learn more about rules of internet dating by clicking here!